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For men, shame issues are directly related to sexual performance, and definitions of masculinity. There is just no pretending; He either ejaculates or he does not.
It does imply that many men fear that these things could happen.
Would it not be better to try and understand what is happening here between males and females and, through that understanding, develop better ways to cope with this problem?
Part of the reason why women are so angry about internet pornography is that it takes their men away from the family and from themselves.
Yet, once married, women are expected to be sexual and erotic for their husbands.
These conflicted feelings are often less intense today, in the wake of the women's liberation movement, but they still persist.
All of these are tests of masculinity for these adolescent men.
Many boys become interested in weight lifting magazines with photos of muscular men whom they wish to emulate as a way of demonstrating their masculine prowess. According to Robert Stoller, a psychoanalyst and researcher on sexual issues and pornography, the role of pornography is to serve as the reverse of life events that occurred during childhood.
Some of these female writers report that they even view some internet porn along with their partner and feel especially angry that their partner will sneak away to view porn websites in isolation.
The comments express outrage, hurt, puzzlement, and confusion about what goes on with their men.
There are many noteworthy things to say about the responses we have gotten so far on this issue of pornography but three questions stand out in my mind at this moment: 1.
By far, the largest number of emails have come from angry and disappointed women. Men view pornography in secret and in isolation from their female partners. Rage: Clearly, many women are enraged by pornography and direct their wrath at their men.
Shameful feelings of self condemnation can be extremely harsh, especially when it is perceived that a deeply valued belief about what is and is not socially acceptable has been violated. The individual who feels shame engages in total self condemnation, whether other people are aware of it or not.