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I found social networks, emails, voice mails, pictures (he took them of himself too and they are so vain and sexual), and as I got better at researching I found the disgusting porn sites he paid for, the disgusting male friends he engaged in devaluing women with, the awful and false portrayal he made of me to others.I found his secret password to open documents and read his letters to and from the other women, listing details of their activities.
All my family and friends now tell me they never trusted him, they always felt like he treated me wrong, and that he is a player. He went out with her when his first wife was pregnant and they were still together.
He just lied (and really fast) about being with a male friend at lunch and calling him…but no guy talks to another guy like he was talking.
Red alert, I called my sister and she told me how to check a cell phone. I checked his phone when he got home, and there were three messages from other woman, one a stripper.
One woman I contacted and she filled me in, horrified because he told her we were in a bad marriage and so on…..
I still did not excuse her mentioning that she knew he was married, even though he lied to sway her.
I now know that there are real monsters that have no empathy and no conscience.
So fast forward into eleven years of marriage, and as each year went by he seemed to become more and more irrational and mean.
They just never said anything because they had no proof, they just felt it. I was horrified, I insisted he get help, he went one time, said the therapist said he had a lot of issues, he came clean with everyone, seemed sincere, ate crow, all the things you would expect, and I thought well he’ll not lie again, he is remorseful, he was traumatized by his wife leaving, etc.
When I found out he was married that first year and confronted him, the reason he said he lied was that the woman who introduced us had gone out with him and he had never told her he was married. etc…made excuses for who I thought was a normal person who made grave mistakes. I did not know people could lie daily and pretend so well…..
One was even his secretary letting him know another woman had called and he needed to call her back.
I thought his secretary was my friend, so hearing that voice mail really hurt.
and the horrible insults, his leaving for days at a time as I found affairs, more and more, I finally filed for divorce.