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I can sum up the essence of building trust in one idea: Create a safe emotional space for your spouse.

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Only then, are you allowed to say something negative or critical.

This requires that a husband and wife develop good problem solving skills.

And let me say at the outset that, if you feel you are in an abusive relationship based on the definition I just gave, seek help immediately. Develop the skill of being a good listener, which is one of the hardest skills to develop. " Always make sure you've fully understood what the other person has said.

Being a good listener means you don't interrupt your spouse. A simple tool to use for this is the well known "mirroring technique." You reflect back what the other person has said.

I mention this because there are some people who live with the naïve notion that in "good marriages" couples never fight. Here are a few important pointers to make sure that when you fight, you fight fair: Trust is one thing that takes a long time to build and a very short time to destroy. Many people wrongly believe that in a good marriage, you can "relax" and not have to monitor everything you say and do. In a good marriage, you must always be monitoring your behavior.

The problem is not that couples fight, but how they fight. This is the key to building a strong relationship and trust. in philosophy and was ordained a rabbi in Jerusalem in 1982.Rabbi Dov Heller is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who holds Masters Degrees in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University and in Contemporary Theology from Harvard University. He is director of the Aish Ha Torah Counseling Center in Los Angeles, founder of the Relationship Institute, and runs a private practice specializing in adult psychotherapy, marriage counseling and personal guidance.In addition, he provides an international coaching and counseling service via telephone helping people solve their relationship challenges. A colleague of mine who is known for his wisdom as an educator in Los Angeles defines an abusive relationship in the following way.He suggests that an abusive relationship is one in which one person is afraid to express his or her feelings and opinions.Instant messaging, texting and flirting online has never been so easy before.